Here is a listing of his reports for the 1996-1997.
The Clippers have brought back nine of their eleven players from last season. Many were suspicious when the other two players were not replaced with new teammates. When questioned about this, team owner, Co-Coach, and star player, Ian "Wildcat" Jones replied, "Well, our team revenue was down, so we are now going to have to play without two more players. It will allow more playing time for some of our emerging stars and it will force players to step up their play. We think that this is a very positive move that will only benefit the organization in the future." Before another question could be asked, the Wildcat disappeared from the media room. The common speculation is that the Wildcat did not want to address last year's 0-10 season in the fiesty Ann Arbor "D" League.
The two players missing from this year's roster are Jason (The) Boss and Dan "Eeyore" McPherson. The Boss retired this year from the game. He was overheard to have said, "It is time that I spend some more time with my loved ones." He was beginning another breath, perhaps to say, "I also did not want to suffer through another losing season," but he stopped and left the Clippers lockerroom. All know that the Clippers will sorely miss his size, speed, and tenasity on the court. This will hurt the Clippers in the forward position. It is anticipated that the Wildcat will have to stop playing the point and as small forward to accommodate this hole created in the Clippers lineup.
As to Dan "Eeyore" McPherson, negotiations regarding his salary were hot and heated. The Clippers felt that he should take a cut in pay due a poor performance throughout most of last year and citing his poor attendance rate at games along with his holding out of training camp this summer. Eeyore wanted a raise. No word has been heard from Eeyore and as a result, he has been placed on waivers.
The rest of the team, however, has been working hard to improve their game and hopes are high that Confer will actually win a few games in the E League. I have been able to sneak into a few of the Clippers practice sessions and these are my comments on each player:
Ian "Wildcat" Jones (Owner, Co-Coach, and Star Player) - Mr. Jones seemed to struggle for some of the summer due to a lack of practice for several weeks at a time due to personal obligations. The Wildcat was the Clippers leading scorer last year and there is no reason to suspect that this will change in the coming year. He is certainly the most complete player that the Clippers have. He can dribble, pass, shoot, and defend well. Unfortunately, too much of the team's burden has been placed upon him in the past. Confer would do well to spread the ball around more and get some more scoring threats to make the Wildcat a bigger threat than he already is to opponents.
Dean "Chameleon" Carter (Co-Coach) - Mr. Carter was extremely streaky most of last year. He took too many poor shots but when he started to get the shots going in, they continued to go in. Of course, when he started missing, you could expect a long streak of misses. The Chameleon probably knows the most about the game next to the Wildcat but he tries to do too much. While he is probably the best point guard for the Clippers, he needs to help the team in setting up more plays. Of course, most of this fault goes on the entire team as Confer fails to execute much of what they practice. Just watch to see how many three pointers he takes. The more he takes, the more trouble Confer will get into.
Allen "Stilt" Ano - The sad part about the Clippers is that Mr. Ano is the tallest player that Confer has. The Clippers have no true backup for this individual, which is a shame. When the Stilt is in the game, the Clippers can hang in the game. However, he tended to get in foul trouble too often going for too many blocks in bad situations. As a result, the Clippers lost an inside threat and lost their top defender in many games. The Stilt still struggles from the foul line but his outside shot has improved, which is encouraging, as I expect him to get to the foul line frequently. Watch this man closely for it seems as Stilt stays in the game, Confer is an entirely different team due to the floor opening up more. However, if he is not, the next tallest man on the court is a good 4-5 inches smaller, putting the Clippers at an extreme disadvantage.
Stuart "Devil" or "6:30" Collis - Here is probably the most interesting player on the team. Last year, he spent approximately half the season as the bench coach due to a dislocated shoulder, which he obtained during a practice session from running into a wall. The Devil has tried to be a substitute Point Guard for the Chameleon but his true position should be Shooting Guard. The Devil has an exceptionally quick shot that tends to be fairly accurate. However, the Devil has several problems. He is the second smallest man on the team at 5'8", he is not particularly fast, and he picks up his dribble too quickly. Last year, he could not use his left hand with any effectiveness. This year, he has improved his dribbling with the left hand and is not scared (as much) to use it, which has helped him open his shot a bit more. Coach Jones feels that the Devil should take more 3 point shots as Coach Jones feels that he is one of the more accurate shots on the Clippers. However, watch for the Devil taking too quick of shots. If the Devil feels too much pressure, he rushes the shot and it will be too hard. However, the Devil tends to be unselfish, except when he is hot, and has a much improved bounce pass.
Jon "Ever So" Fine - This person is the smallest on the team. He is quicker than the Devil and probably more talented with and without the ball than the Devil. During the practice season, the Clippers might have found a new threat with him, the Devil, and Stilt on the court. The Devil takes the outside shots, Fine runs the point and drives, and Stilt stays on the inside for easy layups. This lineup has worked several times and one can expect it to be used throughout the season. This line had extremely unselfish play and seemed to complement each other nicely in their strengths and weaknesses. Mr. Fine himself is still a very active player. He has complained that he is out of shape but this reporter has not been able to see it. This individual is probably the most unselfish on the team and is an extremely fine asset.
Todd "Grifter" Elkins - Here is a person that needs a better nickname. Nobody seems to know where this came from. Last year, Mr. Elkins proved himself to be a threat on the baseline. The main problem was that he passed up on many of his shooting/scoring opportunities. Hopefully this year, he will take some more shots. While Elkins is not a true forward, he must play that way due to a lack of size on Confer. I expect that he will also sub as the center for when Stilt needs a break. Elkins has a strong fade away jumper and he has shown some talent for dishing the ball to teammates. However, a little bit more scoring production from this individual would be a welcome sight.
Donald "Springboy" Adamek - I was not certain this individual would rejoin the team since he has continued to split his career between music and ball. Springboy has a lot more talent than he is willing to give himself credit for. He is an extremely tenacious defender with quick hands and a lot of jump. He has an awkward shot but it seems to go in about half the time, which is more than can be said of much of the team last year. His play should assist Confer in forgetting a very similar player, Jason Boss. He will be asked to step up his game and continue his physical play. Look for some more strong inside play from this individual.
Michael "Bulldozer" Donovan - The Bulldozer has not changed his style at all. He is a brute on the court. His shot still is extremely flat but when he has time to set on the outside, he has a fairly accurate shot, but streaky. He has developed a pump fake that is rather convincing. However, when he drives, he tends to put all of his momentum into the ball, which causes several bricks off the backboard. The man needs to learn some touch. The Bulldozer had several problems last year in watching for the ball. Many times a pass would go to him unnoticed since his back was to the ball. While this trait seems to be less pronounced this year, I hope that the trend continues.
Dann "Animal" Fuller - He has probably had the most rollercoaster ride of the training season. He held out for the entire summer, sighting a need for more money and needing some personal time. Rumor has it that he got a raise in his salary but the Management has been silent on this issue. Perhaps his increased funds came from his new baby advertising campaign which features his cute daughter, Kayla. Whatever the case, he has rejoined the team. The Animal has very quick hands on defense but tends to be a little more uncomfortable with the ball. He does not shoot often. I would worry about how much training he has done away from the Clippers camp to see if he can keep up with the rest of the team. Time and play will tell.
In short, this promises to be another exciting Clipper season. There are some rumors going around that the Clippers might change colors from maroon to blue to get rid of the bad karma associated with the 0-10 Maroon Confer Clippers. However, there has been no confirmation on this rumor as of yet. As always, this reporter shall keep you informed on all the latest Confer Clipper information. Go Confer!
AP Ann Arbor - The Confer Clippers took the court for the first time this season. Hopes were high considering the Clippers were demoted from the D league to the E league. It was hoped that the Clippers would actually be competitive in this league and stop getting blown out, despite the lack of Confer getting mercied in the D league. However, the Clippers obviously forgot that this was not the D league. Confer lost this game 68-31. Confer started off well, taking a 5-4 lead early in the game off of Michael "Bulldozer" Donovan's first shot (and last of this game) from next to the hoop and Stuart "Devil" Collis' 3 point shot from the top of the arc. Unfortunately, that lead quickly became a 19-5 deficit. The highlights were few and far between. Allen "Stilt" Ano made a couple of free throws and scored 8 points. The Devil, himself also scored 8 points. They were closely followed by Ian "Wildcat" Jones and Jon "Ever So" Fine. The rest of the team was in another county. The Wildcat did have an off night and it seems that when he goes, the rest of the game for Confer shuts down because there is no effective dribble penetration. The Devil looked good, going 1-2 from 2 point range and 2-3 from 3 point range before the half ended. Even the ref encouraged him to shoot more (which ended up not being so good as his final 6 shots did not go in). Assuming that Stilt picks up his scoring production slightly, the Wildcat returns to form, and the Devil continues his scoring of 8 points a game, Confer will be a formidible opponent. However, it just wasn't meant to be this night. Perhaps the Subway mutant sandwich makers (quite a tall team, indeed) out heighted Confer but more likely it was just an off night and next week, Confer will defeat the Creative Solutions team.
Co MVPs = Stuart "Devil" Collis and Allen "Stilt" Ano
AP Ann Arbor - The lack of fans told the story. Only 2 loyal Confer fans showed up to watch Confer fall on their face in a humiliating 68-22 [EDITOR'S NOTE: The actual score was 53-22] loss. The only Clipper that seemed to be in the game was Jon "Ever So" Fine, who scored many of the Clippers points and is thus named MVP. Perhaps the Clippers should start paying fans to show?
The lack of fans has sparked talk of the team being sold. Owner, Ian "Wildcat" Jones, could not be reached for comment either on this game or the rumors of the team being sold. What can be confirmed is that the Confer Clippers are looking for a new name. We have therefore started a contest to rename the Confer Clippers. The due date for responses is 1/1/97. No other entries will be accepted. The winner shall get a free ticket to watch the new team play basketball at the Clague Middle School in Ann Arbor. The ticket shall be good for the 8 remaining games on the Clipper schedule. This offer is void where prohibited.